Choice

Wow, look at that. Mile marker twenty two.

I've got a long road ahead of me. Too bad I can't see further than a mile or so in any direction. Often not even that, depending on the scenery. I've not come far.

In the past month or two decisions have been made. Suddenly I'm confused on why those decisions were so difficult in the past. It's not like I don't take a step back now and then. And so I stop and ponder. I've had a number of these moments over the past year or so, but I've not shared them here.

Regardless.

I have a good life. Great even. I'm afforded opportunities that many do not have. Will never have. I lead a life of blessing and comfort.

As I think it is with many, it's easy to think "I want that" and believe that by obtaining a goal, even a heartfelt goal, that your troubles will be over. That if you can reach that end, life will be good. It's too bad that is sold so often ("sold" being the key word here...) because I don't believe that is true. Because there will always be something out there. Something to stretch towards. Something to work for. Regardless of where you're standing. There's always another ridge to cross. There's always someone ahead of you. Better, smarter, more capable people than you succeeding without thinking where you stumble and struggle.

It's not about what you've done. It's not about where you live. It's not about who you're surrounded by. It's not even about where you're going.

Now that's not to say you shouldn't continue forward. That's not to say you shouldn't set goals. That's not to say you shouldn't work.

It's about you.

Nobody can tell you where you are in your journey but you. Be honest with yourself. Figure out where you're going. Where you are. Where you've been. Take a step back. What's really important to you? Why do you spend your leisure time the way you do? What do you spend your "you" time on?

It matters. And I realize today, again, as I write this, that it doesn't matter what you've done, where you've been. It doesn't particularly matter where you're going. It matters that you are. That you are doing (or not doing as the case may be) right now. In the moment.

It matters that you choose.

You are what you make yourself. Yes, everyone has limits. I can't sprout wings and fly away outside. But within my limits, I have choice. I have will. I am. I exist. It doesn't matter where I have been before. It matters where I am now. It matters what I choose to be. The future hasn't happened yet, and the past has simply set my circumstances. Now is what I am. It is when I exist. It is who I am.

The only thing I really, truly am, is an agent of my own will.

And I am making choices. Choices in which I try to be intelligent about.

Are you?