No really.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Or meditating. Or something.
I've got a wonderful thing going. I have three beautiful children. I've got a wife that still blows me away with how amazing she is. I married up, even if she doesn't know it. I've got a good paying job that, while I have my rough times, I enjoy it immensely. My opinion is respected there and I have a lot of freedom. I've got a house, soon to be a good sized house once the basement is finished. Good parents (and in-laws) and great extended family. And a few toys, including a pinball machine. I've got a car and a van to haul my family around with. I live around great neighbors, in a good area of town. There are stores around close that I can get everything I need and even most of the things I want. I've got the internet to get those hard to find items and to meet good people like you. Among other things.
I've got it good.
I was thinking on the way home from Arizona, with a pinball machine in the back of the van... Where am I going to be in the future? Am I going to be happy? What will I be doing? Who will I be with?
Before I go further I should give some background. I believe that I (and all of us) existed before we were born. I believe that we have a spirit and that our souls are eternal. Being born and dying is just a phase, there was more before and will be more in the future.
With that context, I wondered, where will I be in 100 years? What will I be doing?
I'm not really sure how to put into words what I was thinking... Indeed, I think that English isn't a first language for me. It feels so... Inadequate for communication much of the time. I'm a better writer than a speaker, and I don't think I write all that well. Adequate, but not well. Many emotions, impressions, and nameless feelings later, I realized a truth, though I didn't have the words for it at the time. The best I can convey is to refer to the saying... You can't take it with you. I get it.
There I was with my dream in the back of the van. While it was--no, is--wonderful, it isn't life defining. Sure, I was excited to have it... But I realized more than anything I was excited to share it with my family. I didn't NEED this pinball machine, though a few months ago I think that I did, and for many wrong reasons. Or at least wrong in the sense that those reasons took me away from where I want to go in my life. This machine doesn't make me who I am. I do.
Paradoxically, I think that the pinball machine very much communicates who and what I am. I am a person who likes a challenge. Someone who likes, even desires, to work. I'm not afraid to admit it; I don't mind working, as long as I feel something is worth doing and have a reasonable understanding of it. I enjoy accomplishment. And I enjoy the ride, the journey from point A to point B. That's pinball -- it's about the ride, not the score at the end, though that can be rewarding as well.
A pinball machine... Well. THIS pinball machine especially represents a number of things, is a type, a symbol, a metaphor for many things, both personal and ideal. A passing of innocence from an estranged teenager. Camaraderie and friendship. Understanding action and reaction, simple and complex systems. Systems that are both simple and complex at the same time. Immersion of thought, of placing your mind within a context, of thinking within boundaries. Physics and along with that magnetics, the inevitable and the unexpected. Disappointment and failure, accomplishment and success. A point of reference, a landmark of the past. A landmark that I'm now sharing with a new life, with a new generation... To help them towards what I hope is a better future. And to have some fun along the way.
I hope everyone gets their own pinball machine in their lives.
I've crossed a milestone in my life, though I don't think it was this past weekend. A few months ago I needed a pinball machine to help me be whole. And, due to the circumstances I was in, I gave it up. I was able to move forward with my life, to continue, to progress without it. It's interesting to me that once I was able to truly give it up and put it behind me a pinball machine falls into my lap.
I'm sure it's not chance.
The thought process that spawned this post lasted less than a minute, but really tied off some loose strings I've had floating around for a while.
This is the last of the pinball posts for a time, barring requests. I'm afraid I'm getting pretty singular on this blog. I'll be mixing it up a bit here in the future, though not as much at first. (I still have a number of video game related posts in the works, heh...) I may post a little less frequently, but I'm going to try and post a bit more meaningfully. Or constructively. (haha, basement posts and constructive...Oh nevermind.) Or whatever you want to call it. There will be less 5 minute posts, though you will continue to see entertaining links here. There will just be more than that here and there.
Until later.
(Apologies for the watermarks, not sure what's up with that)
